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R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

5/2/2016

A Mother's Thoughts

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." ~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

As we once again quickly approach Mother's Day, I would like to wish all of my friends and family members who are mothers a Happy Mother's Day! Below I share a new note from when my children were much younger (and one wasn't even born yet!), about some of the things I wanted them to embrace about life. Would you share your motherly thoughts inspired by your children? In the comments section below, please bless us with your words of passion, inspiration, and Love!

Blessings,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

If today was my last day on earth...

…I would want my children to know how much I love them. I think about the world and so much uncertainty in war, disease, and poverty, and I want them to be protected. I want them to not feel the pain of it all. I want them to be happy, successful, and productive individuals. I would want to have been an example of how they can turn their life situations into a legacy. A legacy of faith. A legacy of strength, and a legacy of determination.

Faith in THE God of the universe. The One who has no beginning and no end. The One who created them and their destinies before time began. He is able and will do mighty acts in their lives.

Strength of character and values. True strength is not what you do when the whole world is watching, or when they all cheer you on [to the right thing]. True strength is what causes you to do the right thing when noone is watching, when the crowd cheers you in the opposite direction [of the right thing], and when it hurts.

Determination fuels it all. When you determine to live by faith with TRUE strength [of character and values], your life truly becomes boundless.

Please listen to these words I’ve said carefully. ~Mom

A Note to My Children Dated Wednesday, March 26, 2003, by Dawn L. Bedingfield

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

7/6/2015

"A woman came having an alabaster flask of very costly oil...she broke the flask and poured it on His head." ~Mark 14:3 (NKJV)

First Giving Honor to God...

"...who is the head of my life."

Remember that old cliché? Man! Those words drove me crazy many hot, late, mid-week, church nights! That was when "Testimony Service" took place. Well here I am, starting this special month off with a deep, heartfelt, truly appreciative.....first giving honor to God who is the head of my life! God has truly been good to me in more ways than I can list, but I specifically want to thank Him for birthing and sustaining the ministry you see before you on this website, for ten years!

Ten years ago God birthed in me a vision for a ministry that was unlike anything I had ever encountered. It was unique and out of the box because the term "Life-Coach" was just coming to be. But it was certainly not yet in the realm of Christian ministry. Even today, Christian-life coaching is still seen as taboo, and not fully accepted in many traditional church circles. But the truth is that Jesus was the very first Christian-life coach that there ever was. He was a disciple-maker, and that is what we do, plain and simple. We make and strengthen the walks of Christian Disciples for the Kingdom of God. It is what He commanded His own disciples to do via the great commission, "Go and make disciples..." We have somehow changed the look of The Great Commission to be more reflective of making converts instead of disciples. Converts only require convincing; disciples require a coach. But I digress, I don't need to defend my vision...

Ten years ago this month, Costly Oil was officially established, and has been an amazing journey. Since then, I too have been a work in progress to reflect exactly what Christ has desired to birth from and through this vision. What started out as a great, and extremely humbling vision, has remained so, and expanded to include many avenues of ministry and service whereby Christian women can be encouraged and grounded in their walk with God, and their individual God-breathed visions. I write these words with humble amazement and joy as I think back ten years ago. I recall the days of writing the vision and making it plain just like it was just last year. All the great and wonderful plans God dropped in my heart...all the sweet, sweet assurances of lives being touched...all the much needed confirmations amid extreme lack and inadequacies...all the late nights of fervent prayers and much writing...they are all still so vivid. And I am thankful that His Grace has kept them all alive these ten years later. So back to my introductory statement, first, giving honor to God...it is for Him and through Him that I and this vision exist. THANK YOU LORD!!!

Please stay with me, right here at Make Mondays Matter as I continue to celebrate this joyous occasion. I will be introducing you to a few names and faces who are also deserving of honor for being instrumental in my journey in some way. Finally, I will be sharing some of my writings and stories from along the way. Please celebrate with me!

With Much Gratitude,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

A reminder about Purpose from the Archives
"My purpose and passion in life is to encourage and inspire women to live a life of purpose using my gifts of mercy, teaching, writing, and my words of wisdom and exhortation. I was redeemed from a walk of shame and a life of guilt and regret when I discovered my purpose was more than escaping hell fire. I will never be able to write enough words to express my gratitude to God for the gift of purpose! But purpose without power to impact lives and effect change is a waste; and, power belongs to GOD! So not only must we make sure that He is working WITH us, but we must work with the complete understanding that the results lay in His capable hands and providential timing. We should never allow ourselves to carry the burden of thinking that our doing is what makes our work successful."

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

6/1/2015

My Relationship With My Words/Writing

"Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
Take my heart

Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands
My life is not my own
To you I belong

I give myself, I give myself to you"

~I Give Myself Away by William McDowell

Please do me a favor before reading any further. I never do anything like this, but I really want to make a point with this post today. I don't want today to be just another blog post, or "Like." Please do me a favor and listen to the above song, every word and syllable, all the way to the very end. If you are not in a place to listen, please don't read any further until you have the opportunity. This means a lot to me. Thank you!

~ ~ ~ ~

I try really hard to avoid including personal experiences online, but this one really bothered me. I want to address it because I'm concerned about how people view what I do, and my motivation. I need to be clear about both. A week ago someone made a comment that was so shocking that I felt cold water had been dumped on me. They said, "I was looking for a scripture or something to post on social media, because you know that's what good Christians do." I wish I could say that I understand what this person was trying to say, but the truth is that I don't. I have no concept of doing something, anything, just because I'm a good Christian and it's what good Christians do.

As I said, I need to be clear about what my motivations on social media and the use of other communication tools. I really hate that some Believers have become so jaded or common where Christian principles are concerned, but I am not that person. It breaks my heart and brings me to tears even as I type. Costly Oil, and every word I share is just that, the costly oil that has been stored up from my work and worship, like the sinful woman and the five wise virgins alike, and poured out for The Master's use. Every word typed is a sacrificial work of obedience and Love for The Lord and those whom He may send to read it. This ministry is not common or habitual or ritualistic for me. It is worship pure and simple.....

Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~
"But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy." ~Philippians 2:17 (NLT)

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

1/12/2015

Cyber Relationships

"Did you know that there are more devices connected to the internet than there are people on the entire planet?" ~MediaBistro.com

I am not a big fan of technology for many reasons, but I really love how it has allowed me to keep in touch with family and friends far away, and those near whose lives are just as busy as mine. I love how technology has been a tool to reach many in my ministering. I love the flexibility to be able to connect with complete strangers and touch their lives. I love how technology allows me and others to keep up with one another in a variety of ways like email, text, and a host of social media outlets. But if there is one relationship danger in technology, it is allowing our REAL relationships to be defined by it. Let me explain…

Admittedly technology is giving us more and more time to fill our lives with more busyness. We are making less of an effort to connect with people in person, because we can “facetime” on the run. We can text in meetings, in church, cooking dinner, or doing almost anything other than driving. We can make sure people are “OK” in 30 seconds by checking their timeline (this last one is pretty sad, but I won’t go down that rabbit trail). But it is also becoming easier to begin defining our meaningful relationships by how we interact in cyberspace. This is dangerous and disturbing. Think about it, Facebook is now even filtering out the information we see regularly based on what we “Like.” So if I don’t hit the “Like” button on my good friend’s posts regularly, or if my friend doesn’t post anything regularly, I may never even see what they are sharing. If my friend and I have subconsciously become trained to think that a “Like” means “I care,” what happens between us when I no longer see their social media posts?

This bring me to the biggest point in my argument. We have to intentionally make a difference between our cyber lives and our REAL ones. I try to be very transparent no matter how I am relating to others…in person, online, or by phone. But I make a conscious effort not to live the whole, and certainly not the most important parts, of my life via technology. I hold back MUCH, for the sake of relating PERSONALLY to those who mean more than a “Like,” “Comment,” “Tweet,” or “Send” button. (The “Call” button is a little different, and is very important.) As much as I take advantage of technology for business, ministry, and social purposes, I prefer to define my personal relationships by how we relate personally and individually.

So if I never “Like” or “Comment” on your social media, but when I see you I give you a hug and ask about your life and family; if I never retweet one of your tweets, but I buy your product and send you customers; if I never post about how wonderful a friend or person you are on Facebook, but I call (and yes even text) to ask how I can pray for or serve you in private…take my care for what it is: personal instead of technical. I ask that you to work hard this year at applying the same rule to all of your REAL relationships; keep them personal, and never let them be defined by the technical.

As advanced and useful as technology has become, what goes on outside of technology is much more important than the limitations of 140 characters, and the number of likes, views, shares, and messages sent and received that technology has to offer. We, and all of our R.E.A.L. relationships, are worth more than that! Let's RELATE to one another like it!

Blessings,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

12/1/2014

Reaping Relationships

"As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest..."
~Genesis 8:22 (NLT)

I have had several discussions over the years with friends and acquaintances about how to know when and whether some relationships are sent from God; and, whether certain relationships are meant for us. Relationships are always a balancing act in terms of deciding where they stand. We all want greater"meaning" to the connections we make. But what we sometimes fail to realize is that what God sends, is not always what we are asking for or expecting. What we want is His good and gracious Hand, and approval on our relationships. What He sends is the harvest of what we have planted. And what we have planted is how we identify with what relationships are a result of our harvest. That harvest is what we should be seeking.

I once wrote an article about the difference between giving and investing in relationships. I wrote extensively on the risks and benefits, and return on investing in relationships. This is somewhat the same, but from a different angle. How do you know a relationship is from God? How do you know someone is meant to be connected to you or your life/ministry/business? Ask yourself two questions: 1. Is what this person brings to my life/ministry/business a reflection of what I myself have planted in other's lives/businesses/ministries? 2. Is this person a reflection of myself when someone else planted into my life/business/ministry?

These may sound like two simple questions, but if we are truthful with ourselves, they really speak volumes. They speak volumes about how we have actually served and received from others in our motives and actions/behaviors. Anything we plant in the natural can yield a harvest up to seven times. There is no scriptural evidence that the same is true for the spiritual, but the Bible does promise that whatever we sow (plant) will come back to us. And if we are using the farming analogy as the Bible so often does, we can expect to receive a harvest greater than what we have planted.

So what does this mean? We often want our "God connections" to be trusting, faithful, profitable, encouraging, deep, meaningful, fulfilling. But have we planted any or all of these things in any of our connections? We are slow to admit that we have been often been faithless, unfaithful, draining, critical, shallow, callous, apathetic, and self-serving in most or all of our relationship choices. Yet we reject those who come in the same manner. We seek out and pursue those who can benefit us, and reject the harvest we have actually planted for ourselves.

On the other hand, some of us attract the unfaithful for this same reason the unfaithful pursue those who can benefit them. These fruitful and faithful individuals are those who are in a constant fight to create boundaries, just like farm plantings are in a constant fight to avoid being overtaken by weeds. Knowing the seeds you have planted, and clearly recognizing the fruit of that harvest is paramount to keeping effective boundaries; and, pruning the weeds for increased relationship harvest. The question is not, "What have you done for me lately?" The questions are, "What have I done for others lately, so that I can reap great relationships in my life/business/ministry?" And, "Am I ignoring my harvest to: 1. covet another's, or 2. allow weeds to take over?"

Invest/plant/sow well in your relationships, so that you don't have to be afraid to choose the fruit you have planted, and prune the weeds. You will know the relationships that are heaven sent by honestly auditing what you have planted in the lives of others.

Reap Well My Friends!

Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

9/1/2014

Happy Labor Day!

Have you labored in LOVE this year??

"For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do." ~Hebrews 6:10 (NKJV)

Today is Labor Day. It is our national day to set aside from all of our hard work at earning a living, and relax, reflect, and renew. And hopefully to give thanks.

But this Labor Day, I found myself thinking about the above Bible verse, and I started wondering about Relationships Ever Abiding in Love.

The word Labor means: "work, especially hard physical work."

I often hear people say that the word LOVE is over used. I agree, but I tend to be one of the ones who use the word often. I use it often because I am a word person, a verbal communicator. I always need to say what needs to be said. But do I back it up with action? In the focus verse above, Love is not just action, but is referred to as work, especially hard...work.

So my question to each of us on this Labor Day 2014 is this: Have you labored in Love this year? Think about how hard you may have worked in your yard this past Spring and Summer. What about remodeling projects around the house? Vehicle repairs or upgrades anyone? My job is very physical, and I feel the effects daily. I work very hard, and in a variety of ways, to keep my family fed, housed, and comfortable. This is truly a labor of love; but, can I think back to any relationships or service efforts that I have labored in equally as hard...or greater?

How about you? Which relationships would be infinitely fully, richer, purer if hard work were to be added? Where do you think God would be pleased and reward you for your work of service to His people, the poor, the lost?

The next time You feel God leading you to "work" at a relationship, or to serve others, why not avoid taking the easy route? Why not instead purpose to work hard at it...let them see you sweat!

Happy Labor Day,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

6/2/2014

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion." ~Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10(a) (NKJV)

Hello my friends! As I type this piece I am so in awe of how quickly this year is passing by. It seems like it was just January and we were creating resolutions, setting goals and getting our vision boards ready. We were preparing to make 2014 our most awesome year yet. Now we are 2 months into 2nd quarter...absolutely amazing!

If you are like me you probably have been looking at your list of goals for the year and seeing how much progress you've made. If not then let's talk because it's time, as I say to "check-in and check-up." Have you lost the weight you've wanted to lose, have you saved the amount of money you wanted to save, are you close to getting that new job, car or house you wanted? Even more important have you improved your relationship with your significant other, mending that broken relationship with your friend, increased the time you spend with God to strengthen your relationship with him?

These relationships are key and vital to accomplishing many of the other goals we have set for ourselves this year. I've talked before about operating in order. We cannot expect success and greatness when our priorities are jacked up.

Often times the thing that holds us back from really reaching our goals is FEAR. Fear of change, fear of failing, fear of the unknown and sometimes fear of succeeding. On this day imagine yourself FREE! Free from the worries and stagnation that comes from FEAR. Make the choice today to "check-in and check-up" on the status of your relationship goals. Commit to doing the uncomfortable thing and make the necessary changes to make the things that are really important in your life matter!

Until Next Time,
Nikhol B. Jackson
"Assisting Others on Their Journey Towards Peace, Healing & Recovery!"

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

5/6/2014

A Mother's Thoughts

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." ~Sophia Loren

As we quickly approach Mothers Day, I would like to wish all of my friends and family members who are mothers a Happy Mothers Day! Below I share a note from when my children were much younger, about some of the things I wanted them to embrace about life. Would you share your motherly thoughts inspired by your children? Bless us with your passion, inspiration, and diversity!

Blessings,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in worship, like Costly Oil~

Children, learn this:

Life is much too short, and filled with an abundance of great, awesome, rewarding, wonderful, colorful, and temporary things.

Great because God has given us each a passion. When you find and engulf yourself in the passion God gave you, greatness emerges -- no matter how insignificant the endeavor. Helping an injured chick becomes greatness.

Awesome because there are things on earth created by God that will take your breath away --- focus on finding some of that awesomeness.

Rewarding because after you do the right thing, even when it hurts, God never forgets. Remember you always reap what you sow. DO GOOD.

Wonderful because you will find that there are people in this life who love and live life fully and sincerely, asking for nothing in return. They inspire us to be like them.

Colorful because of life's diversity. We all add something different to the world. And when you put it all together life becomes a festival of emotions, sounds, talents, sights, perspectives, culture, values, sorrows, struggles, and experiences. Herein lies acceptance.

And temporary because life is a cycle of change.

Live life embracing the great, awesome, rewarding, wonderful, and colorful things in life, while realizing that at any moment they could change.

Quickly overlook the petty faults and mistakes of others, realizing how truly short life is.

A Note to My Children dated Tuesday, March 11, 2003, by Dawn L. Bedingfield

R.E.A.L.* Moment Monday

4/14/2014

Giving and Investing...in RELATIONSHIPS!

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."
~John 15:13 (NIV)

Giving is a positive and generous factor in any relationship, no matter how undeveloped. It can signify affection, appreciation, care, concern, and admiration, among many other things. It can add excitement and spontaneity to a long term relationship and can move new ones to the next level.

Giving is a necessity in all relationships. But, as by its definition, giving requires no real commitment or connection to the receiver. Giving need not be an investment in the recipient. If the giver receives anything from the receiver of one's gift, it should be personal gratification, nothing more. The expectation of more is directed at GOD, not the receiver! And that is a different discussion, for a different time...

Expectation is where the defining line in relationships manifest between significant and insignificant; intimate and casual; lasting and short term; committed and convenient. There are two sides to the defining line between giving and something else...that something else is investing.

At its best, giving is charity; investment indicates value. The biggest difference between the two being: with giving, one does not have to value the relationship with the receiver of one's gift, they only have to have an expectation that GOD will reward their giving. Investing in someone sometimes involves giving until it hurts. Investment involves consistency and patience to see through to the end result. Investment involves placing faith, hope, value and trust in whatever or whoever is on the receiving end of the offering. And although giving should certainly be a part of all relationships, people will rarely make an investment into those relationships which they place little or no value upon; or in which they have little to no expectation.

Investment involves risk, plain and simple. And the motive behind investment is purely to receive a return on what is given. We invest much more than we would give when we expect something in return from the person or relationship. But with investment, there is never a guarantee of a return, which is why investment, more than anything else, indicates value. If we expect something great, or we value what we have enough, then we take the risk. The concept may seem manipulative and selfish, but let's think about it for a moment: If you want a happy, content and fulfilled spouse, friend, child, business partner, etc., you have to make an investment in the relationship and sometimes that person. Yes giving is required, but sometimes giving is not enough. Often it is easy to give one part of one's self to a relationship but very hard to give what is needed to make the relationship successful. If you want a specific result bad enough, then an investment might need to be made. As the saying goes that you only get out of something what you put into it.

Giving must be done with a clear mind and free of struggle; but many things that are required to develop a fulfilling and happy relationship are not always so. Sometimes forgiving is done after a struggle. That's an investment meant to net a return of peace. Sometimes overlooking a fault is a struggle, even painful. That is an investment meant to net a return of acceptance and harmony in the relationship. Sometimes expanding one's comfort zone is scary. That is an investment meant to net a return of unity and understanding. Sometimes simply making time to cultivate a relationship is inconvenient. That is an investment meant to net a return of quality in the relationship.

Just as we invest in our relationships, so does God invest in us. The Bible says, "So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61:3 (NSV) We are His handiwork, His workmanship. And His harvest will not fail because He mercifully, lovingly, and devotedly tends to us with care and anticipation of our manifold fruit. And yet He gave Jesus Christ, His Son, who in turn gave His life; both so generously, so selflessly out of our need and out of no thought for Himself.

How wonderful a relationship balanced in giving and investing, such can not fail! Try it, and expect nothing less than "relationships EVER abiding in LOVE!"

Share with us some of the ways YOU make positive investments in your relationships, and let's keep the LOVE flowing!

Blessings,
Dawn~
~Pouring my life out in Worship, like Costly Oil~

R.E.A.L.* March Madness Moment

3/31/2014

R.E.A.L. Moment Mondays in collaboration with Just A Journey Counseling Services is creating REAL March Madness all March long in honor of National Women's Month! We are celebrating and highlighting women who have gone From a Flicker to a FLAME in the home, family, workplace and community. Join us each day...you may run into someone you know!

"...a woman who fears The Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
~Proverbs 31:30b-31

Meet Nikhol Jackson...

"Commit to doing your best. Even when you don’t feel like it."
~Nikhol B. Jackson

On this very last day of National Women's Month, I would like to highlight none other than our very own R.E.A.L.* Moment Mondays writer, and the inspiration behind this month-long project to honor and celebrate our Girls on Fire, Mrs. Nikhol B. Jackson!

Nikhol is the founder of Just A Journey Counseling & Psychological Services, LLC, host of "The Healing Place" weekly internet radio show, and life coach in the areas of family development and relationship enrichment. Mrs. Jackson holds a Bachelors Degree in Psychology, Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology, and is currently pursuing her Doctoral Degree in Counseling Psychology. She approaches her clients and radio show listeners from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model, with a belief that people can bring about change in their lives by first changing their thoughts and beliefs. Nikhol lives in the Metro Atlanta area with her children and husband of 11 years.

Nikhol is an inspiration and a true example of a Proverbs 31 Woman! Please join me as I humbly sing for my Sister friend and writing companion...

...this Girl is TRULY on FIRE!